Psychotic Gentleman
by X-XsiobhanX-X
Summary: A drunk headmaster. A freaked out Minerva. A hell of a lot of alcohol. A crazy oneshot, brought into this world because of my shameless writers block for my multi-chapter stories i'm working on. Please try to enjoy it and don't take it to seriously :


**Disclaimer: i Don't own anything Harry Potter related, their are all the exclusive property of the wonderful J.K.Rowling.**

A/N: Completely stupid and totally unlike me but I had writers block and what better way to solve it than with a random one shot? Review if you feel like it!

"Da Da De Dum Da. Humm Hum Humm mmm." A gray haired old man hummed as he gripped hold of the window and stuck his head out of it. His long hair and beard flew frantically in the wind and the dancing rain gathered on his wrinkled face. "DA DA DAAA HUM HUMMM!!" He sang louder, tripping over his own feet as he whirled away from the window, dancing ballroom with his invisible partner.

Three empty bottle of Ogdens best Fire whiskey lay in evidence on the old man desk. His phoenix watched in obvious alarm, ruffling its feathers indignantly.

"AH!" the man spat out in shock as his foot got caught under the scarlet carpet. THUMP "Owie." The man rubbed his head, then burst out in a fit of giggles.

They he stayed for half an hour just curled up on the red rug laughing until his sides hurt, but of course the jolly old man was so intoxicated he barely noticed. Every time he stopped briefly to take a breath he thought about his current situation on the floor and began a whole new giggling session.

When a coughing fit stopped the man he stood up, after many failed attempts of course, and stumbled over to his desk a huge grin on his face. He went to wipe the tears from his eyes… but missed and poked said eyes instead. "OWIE!"

He scrambled for his wand on his desk, charmed the cork out of another bottle and gulped down some more whiskey, missing his mouth. The liquid ran down his best night robes and the drunken man began to cry. "WAH! WAH!" he sobbed. The loud noise travelled through his office door, down the spiralled staircase and along the corridors.

&

"Mph! crazy kids! Ah no, please. No more dung bombs! YES! Weasley twins! Expelled!" McGonagall smacked her lips together and smiled at the nightmare that had turned into a fantastic dream.

'_WAH! WAH!' _

"huh? What?" McGonagall stood bolt upright in her bed, her night cap covering her closed eyes. "Dumbledore?"

McGonagall yawned and grumbled, muttering under her breath as she climbed out of bed. She pulled on a dressing gown and crept silently out of her rooms and into the chilled corridors. She shivered.

Dragging her tired legs onwards until she finally came to the spiralled staircase she knew led to the headmaster's office. She kicked the sleeping gargoyle and told it the password.

"WAH! WAH!" the wailing continued.

McGonagall climbed onwards, cursing her boss to the pits of hell.

"What on earth is the matter Albus?!" she demanded bursting through the headmaster's office door, now quite awake after her 'refreshing' walk threw Hogwarts halls.

"Minnie! I gooot mmmess on my ffffavoourite robbbes!" Dumbledore told her his words contorted with breathlessness from crying and slurring from the alcohol.

McGonagall stared at him in horror "You're _drunk_." She stated.

Dumbledore grinned, lifting the bottle in his left hand, he stumbled backwards, off-balance.

"LET'S DANCE!" Dumbledore announced grandly, flicking his wand. A soft ballad played from out of the piece of magically enhanced wood, filling the alcohol smelling room with tasteful music.

"Oh no. I don't think so headmaster." Minnie waved her arms in front of her as if to ward off the intoxicated man.

This didn't deter Albus, he staggered forwards, and smiling from ear-to-ear he grabbed hold of the deputy headmistress's waist and pulled her flush against his heaving chest. He gulped down more Fire whiskey and swayed with the music, pulling Minerva along with him. "La La, dum dum de dum La." Dumbledore hummed along smiling at the ceiling.

"I'm not happy with this Albus. Please unhand me." Minerva asked him sternly.

"Nope." He answered simply "Ner Ner Na Ner Ner." He wiggled his tongue at her, giggling, he spinned and twirled them clumsily around her room, trying and failing to keep rhythm. They danced for hours

Minnie sighed, wishing she'd stayed in bed and let the old man wake the entire school at least that way someone else would have found him and been forced into slow dancing with the psychotic gentleman. Dumbledore twirled her outwards, McGonagall took that chance to try and escape. It worked.

Minnie looked back at the old man; he stood swaying by himself crying silently. She sighed. "What's wrong now?"

"WAH! You don't love me! No one loves me! I'm going down the garden to eat works." He stopped sobbing and burst into song, clicking his heels and waving his arms "The long thin slimy ones slip down easily, the short fat fuzzy ones stick!" Minnie rubbed her temple groaning.

"DANCE MINNIE! DANCE!" He yelled.

"Please no!" she reached behind her, searching for the door handle; she scrambled out of the room as fast as her poor, tired legs could carry her.

* * *

The next morning the four houses crammed themselves into the Great Hall for breakfast where Dumbledore stood up, cleared his throat and the room fell silent.

"Good morning my wonderful students!" he bellowed from the teachers table. "I have an announcement. A wonderful, fantastic announcement that will have you squealing in happiness! I was going to wait until we had a holiday to celebrate but I can't wait any longer! We, children, are having a mid term DANCE!"

"NOOOOOOO!!" McGonagall then promptly fainted.


End file.
